What does it come to your mind when I say the Word ‘Coaching’?
This week the Satisfaction program is arriving to Madrid, for those who don’t know it, it is an Emotional Intelligence Coaching Group program for women, which I launched first in Australia. Since I arrived in Spain a month ago, I have been organising the different groups of women who will be part of it! In this process I have come across some prejudices, a bunch of misunderstandings and so much curiosity about the term: ‘Coaching’. That is why today I am going to talk about coaching and the different reasons why I believe that everyone can benefit from an emotional coach.
The word coaching comes from the verb ‘To coach’ which is a synonym of ‘To train’. No one gets surprised if a tennis player hires a coach or trainer to reach his/her full potential in the tennis court. Having a personal trainer or coach in the gym is common and society does not question why. You don’t have to have problems to go and train your body. In fact, physical training is associated with health, wellbeing and strength.
However, for some reason training or coaching emotions is not YET so normalised. (In Spain and many other countries). I have been surprised to observe that there is STILL so many people who thinks: Someone that goes to therapy or has a coach is crazy or has mental issues. Many people argue: ‘I don’t need a coach, nothing is happening in my life’ Is it possible to have a life where nothing happens? Unfortunately, getting emotional help is still associated with disorders, illness and weakness.
Thanks to coaching, I have reaffirmed myself in the idea that prevention is better than cure.
Rather than joining the gym when your trousers don’t fit you and you are almost obese, why don’t you start training before you get to the extreme? Same happens with emotions: Instead of asking for help when you are so down and almost depressed, why don’t you start to emotionally train yourself to avoid getting to the limit?
I discovered Emotional Intelligence almost a decade ago. I got hooked on it when I learnt that any person, at any age, with any circumstance has the opportunity to develop her/his Emotional Intelligence. It is not something that you have or not have. It is not something that you learn only once. It is a practice. It is a training. I love how Tony Robbins talks about Emotional Fitness, we can train our emotional muscles. The more in shape emotionally we are, the less we suffer. We get less affected by external circumstances that are not within our control when we are in good form.
Am I crazy if I go to therapy?
I went to therapy for the first time when I was 16. I was lucky to come across an extraordinary female psychologist. I take my hat off to her: Lorena López. She not only helped me managing a complicated personal situation but also, she:
- Guided me without judging me;
- Gave me tools which are still essential for my life today;
- Challenged me to go outside my comfort zone;
- Helped me training my emotions so I was prepared to manage any kind of circumstance;
- And most importantly: She Taught me to love myself and to maximise my potential.
Thanks to the impact that she had on my life for the better, today I am dedicating my life to Emotional Intelligence. With her, I went beyond what I thought I was capable of. It was not about ‘solving’ my life, but about developing myself. She trained me to love life.
This year in Australia I have trained my emotions with 3 different coaches at specific times, on a daily basis I can now train my emotions on my own. However, every so often I ask for the help I need to move to the next level: Hailey helped me to manage anxiety in a more effective and transformative way, Bill helped me aligning my 3 brains: Head, Heart and Gut to feel more balanced and Sarah helped me understanding the relationship between nutrition and emotions. I am truly grateful to them; coaches can benefit from playing the coachee role as well!
Can I be my own coach?
Many people hold beliefs such as: ‘I don’t need anything from anyone’, ‘You are weak if you ask for help’, ‘No one can tell me what I have to do’. To start with, of course I believe personal development is a unique, personal and individual journey.
However, I think there is so much we can gain when we get helped by a coach. A coach does not tell you what you have to do. A coach does not impose anything on you. A coach only guides you so you can bring out the light, knowledge and potential that you already have inside.
The coach’s job is to:
Accelerate and Maximise your Progress
Guide you and push you to progress in a more effective way and challenge you to go outside your comfort zone. Help you overcoming blocks and transforming limiting beliefs into useful ones.
Provide you with Necessary Tools and Skills
Invite you to discover new resources to make your journey easy. It is important to have tools and skills to progress in the direction you want and grow.
Give you a different neutral perspective of your circumstances
Show you your unconscious actions so you can make conscious choices. An emotional coach can identifyyour emotional patterns and show them to you so you can become self-aware and decide what you want to change and what you don’t.
We can only perceive life from our filters and perceptions. That is why it is important to have someone to give you a different version of your reality and to train you emotionally. Moreover, it is harder to abandon your progress when you have accountability from a coach, which job is to encourage you to make the transformations you desire happen!
Then, can my family and friends be my emotional coaches?
We are social creatures and connection to other people is a very important aspect of human life. Having friends and family who support you is a gift!
However, when it comes to make decisions and progress or transform ourselves, people who love us most can often dissuade us from our real journey and what we truly desire.
It is easy to get too emotionally involved in the life of a person you love. People who love us are influenced by the love they feel towards us. Therefore, even though they advise us with the best of intentions, and wishing the best for us, more often than not they distract us from our inner wisdom.
Family members and friends give us their opinion and judge our decisions. They want to protect us. They don’t want to lose us. They don’t want us to change for the worse and often they are as scared as we are or more!
I used to listen to all my loved ones’ pieces of advice and opinions and I used to take all of them into account, driving myself crazy in the attempt to discover what was a right decision. By trying to listen to everyone, I used to forget about listening to myself. Our loved ones empathise with us emotionally and give their advice from that place. Coaches help you to learn how to listen to yourself in a neutral way. They neither judge you nor they choose anything on your name. Coaches go beyond, they are not advisors, they provide you with practical techniques to make decisions and they teach you how to train your emotions.
As an Emotional Intelligence Coach, my mission is to help women training their emotions in a safe environment. I help them become self-aware and to listen to themselves in order to make decisions that they truly desire.
You don’t need a coach for life, you need a coach who can teach you how to train your emotions and mind, so you can keep developing your emotional intelligence in each of your life experiences.
Good coaches don’t lend you their wings to fly with them, they teach you how to open yours so you can eventually fly on your own.
The conclusion of this blog is that as social creatures, we are meant to find people to learn from. Call it ‘Coach’ or not, the term is not what matters most. A good way to grow is to model and learn from people who know about what you want to learn. As kids, we learn through imitation, and as adults, we can still gain so much by sharing practical tools that work! Coaching techniques are transformative. Anyone who knows them does a favour to the world by sharing them.
We all have insecurities. We all want to feel good. We all want to receive love. Showing our vulnerability and asking for help is not what cowards do. Only brave people dare to expose themselves as they truly are. When we are vulnerable we easily connect with others and we start by sharing a commonality: our vulnerability (we are all vulnerable).
How would the world be if everyone would train their emotions? Can you imagine it?
What is your deepest insecurity? This short documentary asks this question and encourages vulnerability
Asking for emotional professional help is not embarrassing, it is time to start practising Emotional Fitness, to become healthy and empowered.
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Love and Satisfaction,